Well-of-Being

"Each one has to find peace from within. And peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances. " —Mahatma Gandhi

"Nothing external to you has any power over you." —Ralph Waldo Emmerson

In November 1873, wealthy New York attorney Horatio Spafford and his wife Anna planned a Christmas holiday in England. Delayed by business in New York, Horatio sent his wife and four young daughters ahead on the cruise ship Ville du Havre. Tragically, on November 22nd, their ship was struck by an iron sailing ship. All four daughters were lost. Anna was found unconscious, floating on a plank of wood. Upon receiving the tragic news by telegram, Horatio set sail for England. As his ship passed over the spot where the Ville du Havre had gone down, the captain called Horatio to the deck. He pointed Horatio to the area where his daughters' bodies most likely lay, some three miles below. 

But, instead of looking down into the abyss, Horatio looked out onto the dark rolling waves. He steadied himself, took out a pen, and began to write:

When peace like a river attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot, thou has taught me to say
It is well, it is well with my soul. 

In the midst of an unimaginable experience of grief, Horatio Spafford knew deeply that he was not broken. There was an indescribable, unknowable space that was untouched by the storms of human experience. He witnessed the paradox of holding both anguish and peace together in the same space. 

This expansive, untouchable space is like a deep, immeasurable well. It is made of and suffused with aliveness, peace, joy, and love. This well-of-being is often referred to as the soul in religious language. Since every living being is fundamentally an expression of Life itself—a bundle of pure aliveness wrapped neatly in a costume called a body—then, by design, we are all part of that sacred well-of-being. 

Like most people, I spent the majority of my life unaware of this immaculate, immeasurable space. In my unawareness, my peace was tethered to my experience—to the circumstances of my life. There was a compelling story of "this experience is mine and says something about me." As a result, when there was an experience of sadness or fear, it looked like I was not OK. I believed that my peace and security were inextricably linked to things like my health, my financial status, my relationships, and my ever-changing emotions.

Being tethered to experience—much like a dog tethered to a leash—is exhausting and limiting. I found myself doing things for the sole purpose of avoiding particular flavors of experience while gripping tightly to others. Since image was profoundly important to me (Do they perceive me as competent, smart, and articulate? Am I successful? Do they think I look polished and presentable?), I avoided any situation that might bring an experience of embarrassment, shame, or vulnerability. In my attempt to hold my experience at bay, my world became smaller and smaller.

Here's the thing...

You were never designed to find your peace and security in experience. 

When you look to experience to find your peace, your OK-ness, and your wellbeing, it will feel restrictive and tight, by design. 

After all, experience is ephemeral and fleeting, morphing from one shape into the next, slipping through your fingers like warm, white sand. Even experience that carries the illusion of permanence is, in truth, always, always fluctuating. 

Naturally, you will immerse in experience. You will enjoy it, relish it, devour it, and love it. And at times, you will hate it, wallow in it, and wish it away. But, in either case, experience is just like the waves—rising up for a moment before dissolving back into the ocean to form a new shape. 

Beyond the fleeting and fluctuating—the rising and dissolving—there is something stable, secure, and timeless. There is a space where peace is found in the midst of the storms. 

That is who-you-are. 

Beyond the chatter of the mind, you are the well-of-being. 

Next week, we'll take a look at what it can feel like to stay in the moment, in life, rather than in your head. 

On The Day That You Were Born

 

"We are here to awaken from the illusion of separateness."

-Ram Dass

Last week, I wrote about how my fellow travelers and I look carefully at WHO we are; all of us.  I explained how we look at stories that arise in our minds and how we set the stories down. In setting them down, we get a clearer picture of our true selves hiding beneath and beyond them. 

But who is this true self? Who is this who-we-are that I keep mentioning? 

Who were you before anything was added to you—a gender or race identification, an Apgar score, a belief system, or a name? Who were you before your parents, teachers, and community helped create a story-of-you?

On the day that you were born, you were a pure, uncontaminated bundle of aliveness. Regardless of your medical status, your socio-economic status, or your mother's ability to care for or even keep you, you were Life's greatest expression.

You could not have been more worthy or valuable than you were in that moment. The abundance of Life itself animated your tiny body. You were a miracle, all wrapped up in a pink and blue hospital blanket. 

On the day that you were born, there was not yet any idea of separation from the world around you. There was no story-of-you yet, so there was no story of "other." You and the world were inextricably connected. YOU, the pure aliveness of you, were part of an infinite, stable flow of timeless, boundless energy. 

You were Life's perfect energy arising as a baby—as a dream-come-true.

Imagine waves rising up on the ocean's surface: billions of waves, each arising from the same majestic ocean waters, each taking shape for a very brief time before returning to its source. In a sense, each wave is "born" and then, at some point, it "dies." Each of the of waves has its own unique shape, size, and disposition. But, fundamentally, all waves are made of the same "stuff"—the same majestic ocean. When a wave dies, only its shape dies—that "stuff" doesn't. Instead, it returns to its source: Ocean into Waves; Waves back into Ocean. One single activity, repeating in its own breathtakingly perfect rhythm. 

Many of us have a sense of this oneness, this connectedness to each other and to something greater than our individual forms. Ancient wisdom traditions and religious traditions have created frameworks around this for thousands and thousands of years. 

This deep knowing that we are all fundamentally made of the same essence is often used in Christian doctrine, but it is certainly not limited to Christian or even religious traditions. Who-you-are precedes religion; it precedes all concepts and beliefs.

Perhaps Nobel Peace Prize winner Bishop Desmond Tutu explained it best when he said, "The God who existed before any religion counts on you to make the oneness of the human family known and celebrated."

When we have the eyes to see it, we find pointers to this oneness everywhere; in nature, in science, in ancient mystics and indigenous tribal customs, and—yes—in religions of all kinds. 

In Colossians 3:11, the apostle Paul states, "There is only Christ. He is everything and he is in everything."

Albert Einstein once wrote, "A person experiences life as something separated from the rest—a kind of optical delusion of consciousness. Our task must be to free ourselves from this self-imposed prison, and, through compassion, find the reality of Oneness."

American astronomer and astrophysicist Carl Sagan asserted that we are all made of the same intelligent energy that is the source of all life, declaring unequivocally that we are all "made of star stuff."

The Persian mystic Rumi, whose poetry has inspired humankind for more than 800 years, explains, "In things spiritual, there is no partition, no number, no individuals. How sweet is the oneness; unearth the treasure of unity."

International best-selling author Don Miguel Ruiz (The Four Agreements) wrote, "Everything in existence is a manifestation of the one living being we call God. Everything is God."

As we begin to have a greater sense for this who-we-are beneath our stories, the distinctions between you and me, between "us" and "other" begin to blur as if they had always been written in disappearing ink. We see that, beneath our mind's stories of "me" and "other," there is a stable, timeless river of energy expressing itself as everyone, everything. 

On the day that you were born, the ocean expressed itself as a perfect, new, miraculous wave. When that wave "dies" and returns to the ocean, nothing will be lost. How could it be? It's all One. It's all safe. And it's all who-you-are. 

As you begin to see with fresh eyes who you were before a lifetime of conditioning, you will get a better sense of just how safe, resilient, strong, and free Life is. All of the stories—the exciting, terrifying, unjust, horrific, and beautiful ones— will continue. But your position in relation to those stories will shift. 

And the world as you know it will never be the same. 

*******************************************************

Next week, we'll take a closer look at the space of peace and wellbeing that is present in the midst of all experience. 

Click here to go back to the beginning of this series of posts.

http://waitingforthereply.blogspot.com/

Holding Hands and Stargazing

 

There is an immense simplicity and joy in coaching from this understanding of who-we-are beyond our mind's story. My clients and I often refer to it as holding hands and stargazing. Together, we walk through a vast forest, led by the brilliance and intelligence of the stars. We talk about what looks real and true. We question the stories that arise to see if we can find the holes in them. And then we see where the stars lead us next. 

This is typically how the journey together begins...

My fellow traveler and I usually spend a small amount of time in the story of their suffering—their habit, addiction, circumstance, decision that must-be-made, depression, overwhelm, or anxiety—but we don't stay in the content for long. Typically, I ask them to "set it down," knowing they can pick it back up again after we have traveled for a little while together. 

Why do I ask my fellow travelers to set down the very thing they've come to coaching for? 

That's simple. 

Most of us have spent our lives obsessed with how we're doing. We check-in to see how we're feeling, how we're measuring up, and how we're being perceived by others. We've been conditioned to live as if we are the center of the world and everything happening is about us. 

We behave as if there is a little "me" inside the head pulling levers and pushing buttons like the Great and Powerful Wizard of Oz. The belief that I am a separate little me, controlling things from some place behind the eyes, is an exhausting and never-ending  search for security and OK-ness. 

What if we were never meant to spend so much time and energy on how-we're-doing. After all, how we're doing changes like the wind. It literally never stops shifting. How-we're-doing is a function of a trillion different factors, most of which occur far below our level of consciousness. And consider this: the only thing telling you how you're doing is that little voice in your head. 

Think about that. The SAME voice that points out every possible worst-case scenario at three o'clock in the morning is the one you're relying on to tell you how you're doing. 

So, if my fellow traveler and I don't focus on the HOW, what do we talk about? 

We talk about the WHO. We begin getting a better sense of WHO we are; all of us.  We look at stories that arise for people and we poke holes in them until we see our true selves hiding underneath them. 

As we travel, we unlearn who the world told us we are. We learn to listen to the feelings of tension, overwhelm, anxiety, and "triggers" in a brand new way. We learn to trust the natural rhythms of our psychology (thoughts, feelings, emotions) without so much attachment.

We get comfortable feeling ALL the feelings, not because we get better at white-knuckling, but because we understand what all feelings are made of. The resistance to particular feelings dissipates. 

As a byproduct, our nervous systems are allowed to settle. As our nervous systems settle, we settle. As we settle, the need to check-in to see how-we're-doing diminishes. 

The lens through which we see "our issues" shifts. As a result, the issues themselves begin to shift. 

The beginning of the journey is simple. We set down the how-we're-doing and we get reacquainted with who-we-are. 

We hold hands. We walk. We stargaze. And we watch the miracles that unfold when our old stories begin to shimmer and fade. 

Thank you to my beautiful, immensely wise friend for sending this to me. 

**

This post was inspired by one of my fellow travelers, Harrison. Thank you for allowing me to hold your hand and stargaze with you. Watching you uncover who-you-are is beautiful. 

 **